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Growing Horizons Team

Surviving the Holidays - Dealing with Fatphobic Relatives

Updated: Apr 7, 2021


Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

The holiday season can be tough in many ways. It’s meant to be a time to come together and enjoy great food, but the problem with that is that many people take the opportunity to food shame or fat shame some of the people at the dinner table. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of that kind of atmosphere you know how uncomfortable and upsetting it can be sometimes.


If it’s something that’s already worrying you as we get closer to the holiday season, it’s worth considering how you might deal with fatphobic relatives at the dinner table. Criticism and nasty comments are always a possibility, unfortunately. There are ways to deal with those situations positively though. Find out more about that below.


Remind Yourself of Your Self-Worth


First of all, you need to remember to remind yourself of your self-worth. That’s something that’s really important because when you have people around you saying things you might find directly or indirectly offensive and upsetting, it’s easy to start feeling down about it. You should revise some mantras that express your self-worth and repeat them to yourself, even if it’s only in your head, when you feel the need to.


Don’t Hesitate to Set Boundaries


It’s important to set boundaries and this is not something that needs to be done in a confrontational way. Sometimes, people will say things that are damaging or upsetting without even realizing that they’re doing so. When that happens, it’s up to you to let them know how it made you feel and they’ll more than likely then be happy to adapt their language or behaviour once they understand the problem.





Use Breathing Techniques and Stay in Control


If you find yourself in a situation where you’re feeling very under pressure and you don’t know how you should respond to the situation, the first step should be to control your breathing. When you use breathing techniques. This will enable you to stay in control of the situation and, most importantly, in control of your feelings when things are tough. A technique known as box breathing is one that’s particularly useful, so look into that and give it a try.


Don’t Indulge Diet Talk


One of the ways in which fatphobia can manifest itself, especially among women of the same age, is when the conversation turns to diets. It’s common for self-deprecation to be used in these conversations, and it can be pretty triggering for bigger women, even if the comments aren’t aimed at them. If you have the choice, you should always choose not to indulge these conversations and diet talk in general.


Just Enjoy Yourself


The final and perhaps the most important piece of advice is to simply enjoy yourself. Don’t let anyone else’s negativity get in the way of your enjoyment of the holiday season, and that includes all the wonderful food that’s consumed during this time of the year. If you let your enjoyment be ruined, you’re letting them win.

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